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Friday, April 22, 2011

Old? Did you really just say that?

After hearing multiple people talk about how old they were getting I had to write about it.  There are a few things I have to say.  First, let's list the phrases you hear people say.  All of the following phrases are actual phrases that I have heard my friends say.  Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

1.  When talking about or seeing someones younger brother or sister for the first time in a while, you hear the person say, "You're (insert the age that the sister or brother says)?  I'm getting old." or "I remember when you were like this tall."

2.  I can't drink like I used to.

3.  I can't stay up or party like I used to in college.

4.  I'm getting old.  I can't (insert some activity like "basketball" or "walking up the stairs" here) like I used to.

5.  I'm married.

6.  I'm having a baby.

Ok we can agree we have all heard these things said by our friends or random passers by.  The one thing I have to say before I get into answering each one of these scenarios is that you are not old.  You are probably somewhere between the age of 23 to 30.  Now I know people over the age of 31 say this stuff too and they are not old either.  For those of you that are asking, "How can a 23 year old say that they are getting old?"  Think about it.  You most likely said the same thing when you were 23.  I know I heard plenty of people say it when they were 23 and even younger than that.  Ok so now let me drop some knowledge on you by answering the previous statements.

1.  You are not getting old when your friends brother that is hanging out with all of your friends enjoying a drink is 23 years old.  Fact of the matter is you are most likely only 2 to 5 years older than them.  When they are 70 you will be 74.  Not a big age difference!  Especially when you are saying that now when you are 27 and they are 23.  Last I checked 27 minus 23 is 4.  Only 4. 
When you say that you remember them being a lot shorter you should really think about that.  How tall were you when you remember them?  Maybe 6 inches taller.  8 inches.  Why was that?  Because you were 4 classes ahead of them.  When you were 5'1", they were 4'4".  You haven't seen them since they hit puberty.  Of course they are going to be much taller than you remember.  I could go on about this one for hours but I want to leave time for the other 5 statements.

2.  How much have you had to drink since you started a job and are out of college?  Unless you drink on a regular basis (P.S. like you did in college...) you will not be able to drink like you used to.  It is not because of your age.  It is because your tolerance is a lot less than it was when you were drinking everyday.  Which brings me to the next answer.

3.  You go to bed earlier than you ever did in college.  Your schedule is now 5:00 am or 6:00 am to 10:00 pm instead of 4:00 am to Noon.  Unless you are like me and do not get more than 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night then your schedule has just shifted from what it used to be.  Now granted I do not require much sleep for whatever reason and can stay up for multiple hours at a time and be up as late as I need to be.  But if you are hanging out with friends (especially if you haven't hung out in a while) and are going to bed or leaving the party at 10:00 every time then I will just tell you right now that is lame.  Your not old you are just on a different schedule.  Spend the time now with your friends.  Because when you are actually old...when you are 70 or 80, you are going to wish that you spent more time with them.

4.  Ok seriously?  Why do you think that is?  It's probably because you haven't lifted anything heavier than a beer can or a piece of pizza in 5 years.  It's not because you are old.  It's because you are fat and lazy.  That is the reason.  It's because you're not active like you were and are finding everyway possible to make things easier for you not to move.  It's not because your bones are deteriorating and your body is shriveling up.  Ask yourself this question.  Are you the person that waits in the parking lot on the person backing out to park in their space instead of parking in the empty space that is right next to you and only 4 or 5 spots further back from that one so that you can take 10 fewer steps than you would have to?  Which by the way you are causing a traffic block while waiting.

5.  The only thing I have to say about this is that just because you get married doesn't mean that everything changes.  It is exactly the same as it was before.  Odds are that you spent all of your time together anyway and that the only difference now is that you have a ring.  You are not getting old. 

6.  I understand that having a baby means that you have more responsibilities and you might not be getting as much sleep as you did before.  But don't think that you can't do anything anymore just because you have a kid.  While granted I have a very long opinion on this topic and feel that a lot of people hid behind the fact that they have a kid so they don't have to hang out, I will keep it just to the fact that you are not old when you have a baby (there are things called babysitters that give you a much needed break).  Yes you can start yelling at me now for saying that but I don't care.  You are not going to hurt my feelings. 
How old are you now that you have a baby?  Maybe somewhere between the age of 25 to 35.  You can still play with them right?  Roll around on the ground?  Throw the ball with them?  Basketball?  If you can do all of these things or even some of these things you are not old.

Again I could go on and on about these things.  But I know that you do not want to read a book right now.  So again if you think you are old you are not.  Stop saying it.  Go start working out and you'll feel better.  I need to do that myself.  But right now I'm going to go have an awesome time with my friends.